the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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