when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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