Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
