so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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