operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
