Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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