I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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