I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
