I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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