why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
