it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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