I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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