you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
