We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
