Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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