we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
