just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
