You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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