I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
