who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
