no, he came in my armpit
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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