just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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