In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
