I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
