At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
