Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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