So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
try to milk me bitch
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