so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Enjoy the penises
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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