I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
