We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize