What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
