That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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