I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize