Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
