Betty ford says i'm here all night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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