I will die if light touches me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
