You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
