I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
