THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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