singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
