I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
