You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
