we're chasing vodka with high fives
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
