bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize