Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
