he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
