My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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