Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
