She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
