the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize