Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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