another moral hangover. fuck.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
