I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
