Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
