I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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