one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
