Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
