On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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