If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were destined to go to rehab together
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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