Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
