I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
