i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
