please come you make the beer taste better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
