Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
