I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A+ Viking dick
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
