I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
