no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
