This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
