you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
