I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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