I am in a vortex of obligation.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize