omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
