just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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