chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
either way he was missing a nipple.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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