Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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