so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
