Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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