VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
