Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
